She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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