They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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