I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
