first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
