Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
