i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
