I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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