I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
