And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
