the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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