you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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