I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
