I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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