I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
