I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
