dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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