He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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