Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
