Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's Friday. Sex?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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