i don't like sucking hair
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
