I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
