Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
