Screwed.edu
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
