life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
