my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
