I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
