Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
