He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
