well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
