her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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