It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
