are you so shy because you have an std?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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