My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
