girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
