your parents love me but you hate me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
