dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
