i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
