your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
