JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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