is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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