this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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