i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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