WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
