I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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