Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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