I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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