all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
