It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
