38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
soo... how was my night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
