He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
