Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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