never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
