doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
