remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i now understand why vodka
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
