U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
