he wants to bone in the snuggie
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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