he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
