glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bet he comes in French.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
