So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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