If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
