Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize