Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
