if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
