I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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