one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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