i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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