my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
