he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
