he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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