Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
