does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
