...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize