you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
