he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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