I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
