Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
